Konbanwa, minasan! It been a month plus since I blogged. Mia for a long long time...
Many things happened in this month..
Many people came into my life..
Many friends mix into my life..
Met a girl, Misaki (美咲)..
Many things came dragging in..
Many stress, unhappiness, happiness came mixing in..
Neko-Chan, gomanasai...
Brought tears, unhappiness, heartbroken..
Gomanasai..
Study is in a mess. Stressful. Nothing can change this fact.
Pool skills improved. Can play backhand, one-hand, jump balls, do tricks.
Thank to Dom, my brother.
Too many things happen, Takeshi really changed into Takeshit..
Mariko going back to Japan. Sadness came pouring in. Recorded her voice as Ring-Tone as memories. Mariko, kiotsu kete kudasai. Isshoni ganbatte yo. Anata wa inakute totemo samishii desu. Demo kono yoko soko o-wasuremasen. Tabun, kondo isshoni aimasu. Ii desu ka?
Sad to leave her. She's been a good sister to me. After Ryoko, Mariko's going off.. Takanori went back Japan 3 mths ago without giving notices. Next in list is Makoto. Going back to Japan to work.
Everyone is leaving here. I, myself changed into a Rebellious child. Left home recently, stayed with my brothers. Cold war with mum, not a single sentence spoken to her.
Had BBQ with my class & Neko like 3 weeks or 1 mth ago. Forgot.. Drowning myself in the world of materialistic. Abandoning God in a corner. Became more oppossive against teachers.
Dreaming in my own world. Listen to my songs, sinking in my dreams. Who is able to dig me out? Save me from sinking? Neko failed to. Misaki (美咲) failed to. Dom failed to. Kor failed to. Rebby failed to. Dare? Tasukeru?
Many songs had accompany me recently. Jay Chou- cai hong. Initial D- technos. BoA- everlasting.. Etc.. Memories came back.
Memories of Japan & Misaki (美咲) came back when I hear everlasting. Japan, the place I frequent. Now it seems like a dream. The days I spent there, the happiness I got, the friends I know... Minasan, genki desu ka? Misaki (美咲) love everlasting too. It's her fav. now.
I don't know how much I changed. I became quiet nowadays. Don't really talk alot. Only talk to those who are closed to me. I really can't be who I am. Or this is the true me? The real me? Alot people said I changed. My 6th sense told me so. But my mental contricted that. How? Recently depended on my 6th sense a lot. I can keep forseeing the future. But the energy level is getting lesser. Draining me away. Only people who are close to me, know what's with my 6th sense.
Addicted to Alcohol. Been drinking a lot recently. Doshite? Nan de? why? wakaranai. I don't know. After drinking, I can have good slp. Though I did not get drunk, but my heart is drunk. I don't know what my heart really wants. Addicted to Christmas decorations. Been taking lots of photos on Christmas stuffs. Thank guys for staying by my side. I noticed that, during these times, the time when I really lost myself, my directions, you guys are there to direct me again. I knew that, you guys are impt. to me. During this period, I guessed, I lost a lot friends too.
Friends are those when in time of needs, they will never complain at all. 1 of them is Dom. Really brother, I don't know how to thank you. Both of us are guys. Though, don't mushy, but the fact is, you really a great pal. Every calls that get you, you will come down to accompany me when you can. You had not complained at all for the troubles no matter how much I brought to you. You are the one & only that can really cheer me up & make mi laugh. Really, thank a lot bro. I will always rmb wad u did for me.
Rebby, thank for hearing all my rubbish & be there for me. When I drink, you are there to take gd care of me. You had not complain anything about me at all. Benjamin, thought we met less than 10 times a year, you had been a great pal for this 10 yrs! Thank a lot for being there for me.
Neko, I'm sorry for the hurts & tears that I brought to yeah. I shattered your heart so much, that nothing can mend it at all. But you still decided to stay on for me. I don't know what to say. It's all my fault. I changed so much that you, my beloved, could not recongise me at all. Gomanasai! Yurusu. Forgive me please. I don't mean to shatter all this into pieces. No words or anything can ever mend your heart. Though now, you are oversea, away from me, but.. your heart still with me. You buy things for me, hoping to see me changed back to normal again. I'm sorry. Truely. I let you down so much.
Misaki (美咲), you are another that I wished to say sorry to. I caused you to cry a river. I caused so much hurts & troubles for you. Now, your parents because of "him" & me, distrust you so much. Gomanasai. I had already tried to make it up all for you. It's all started because of a smile, friendliness, outgoing characters of mine. I know no one can have 2 hearts. No one wants to share. No one wants to let go. No one wants to shatter this dreams. No one wants this to happen too... Demo... it all just happened. Gomanasai. Nani mo hanashite imasu.
Jiayi xiao mei, Jorge, huihuan... Etc.. Thank for sharing a little of my burdens. The most embarrassed thing I wanna say is, Jiayi, though I can help you & Jorge. But the actual fact is, I can't help myself too. I, myself, is losing hold of myself. Don't be liked me. I wish to see you & Jorge be happy. That's why I tried to help that much. God bless you two.
As a Christian, I don't act like one. Melodie, I just contacted her. She's my ex. 1 of the few whom I cherished the most. Should be cherished the most. Lost contact with her for 2 yrs. She blocked me in msn, found a lot of boyfriends & now she is single again. Doshite? It was because of me. She could not find the feelings I gave her 2 yrs ago. She's been searching for it in other guys but invaild. I'm sorry. I did not know the feelings I gave you is so special.. Sorry, if you see this post, I wanna say, don't leave my side again. I will cherish you de.
Melodie, changed so much. Devoted christian as who she is now, taught me a lot things. Though, I'm Christian for a longer time, like 5 mths, than her, she knows more clearly about God than me. Very pathetic right?
Crystal, my last ex. Befriend with me again. I forgave all she had done. She is now with another guy. God bless them & wished that they are happy together. Miki (みき), my Japanese girlfriend, currently in Uni. God bless her & her sister Aya, who once had some memories with me. Time flies..
Next week, after POA, I decided to take an x-ray. Who knows what the results might be? Feeling unwell recently, lungs are in pain, I took the courage to go for check-ups. Who knows, my lungs collapse again? The wounds are hurting. God bless me. Though I know I not in position to ask God to bless me. Hopefully, nothing is going to happen to me again. Don't wish for another operations.
Thank for the memories at Esplande, Komachi, Vivo city, Swensen. It will be all held in my heart tightly. These were the best memories during this chaos period of my life. Domou Arigatou Gozaimasu! I sincerely thank for that. I will never forget.. Frankly speaking... Though I'm a guy, I admitted I did cry a few times... Even writing this post, I'm dropping tears. I hurted so many love ones..
Pwned Dom in pool 6-0. But in nxt game which is 3mins +, gt pwned back 7-0. Mum's birthday. Family photo which is still on my Dad's hp's wallpaper.. Etc..
Many photos uploaded here are what I took in this month. Btw, I topped in class for eff.writing. 31/40 if I not wrong. Neko-Chan, come back fast. Misaki (美咲), don't fight with parents. Dom jiayou in girls. =))
I hope everything goes well. Minasan, kiotsu kete kudasai. Ja-mata. Takeshi, Ganbatte yo!
